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Okay, I've tried writing this entry about five times over now and just don't know how to say what I want. I don't know how to talk about it, even if I want to. And I don't know why anyone would want to talk about it, so I'm doing it in the form of a semi-public rant I guess.
Put simply, I feel like an absolute waste of space, and I have done for a while. I don't know how to talk about it, or who to talk to that even cares, or if I'm even worth talking about. I feel like the rest of the world is moving along steadily around me, and I'm just sat here being all useless and pathetic. Nothing ever seems to change. I end up jealous of what other people have, and lack the motivation, skill or popularity to gain such things myself. I see everyone around me, and they're all wonderfully attractive whilst I just see me as a miserable waste of space that's not worth a second glance. I've tried to make such big changes these past few months - I've tried my best to do something with my life. But I feel like a disappointment to my family, and a spare-part or a hindrance to my friends. I feel more and more by the day that they would be better off without me.
It's not a self-pitying train I'm on. It's just how I see everything. Months will go by where things will be fine, but the slightest thing seems to act as a knock-on effect. In recent weeks, I've been growing more and more inclined to the thoughts I described in the previous paragraph. They do more than make you 'a bit unhappy', like a lot of people presume when they give their wisdomous definition of my life. It knocks my confidence hugely, impacts your sleep, your diet and so on. This has most recently hit me harder than usual, and I've begun to feel like I'm nose-diving back to square one. Why do I keep on trying, just to face the same repetitive circles? Everyone is happier than me, more popular than me, and frankly better than me. There's only so many times you can persevere and carry on before it wears you down, and I just don't know what to do any more, I really don't.
So, this was the most depressing thing I've ever written on here probably. Ironically also likely the most journal-esque. It took another few attempts from when I started to even try and get what I mean down in words. Words don't seem to sum up how I feel particularly well right now. All I know is that I don't feel like myself, and I don't feel like who I am is particularly worthwhile for anyone at all.
My Photography
Hi, to anyone at all that may potentially read this! :)
I left DeviantART at some point last year. After quite some time, I've finally gotten around to finding a new place to host my photography.
My Flickr Account:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/115596756@N05/
My Tumblr Account:
http://foliofoto.tumblr.com/
For anyone who might be interested, I'll be uploading to these accounts from now on. Content will be uploaded to Flickr first and will then be added to Tumblr as well. I'll be uploading a mixture of new and old photos, so there might be some repeats from here - maybe some of the things I like a little more.
Thanks very much for takin
Thanks for all the Llamas!
It's been a while since I posted one of these journal things, and this will likely be the last time I do as well. To keep it short and simple, I've decided to jump ship and will be looking for a new site to submit my photography to.
I have found in recent months that DeviantART has become a lot less of a draw for me, and it's becoming more of a chore than anything else to keep coming back to post. The updated submission page makes things a lot slower for me, and although I won't pretend my photos are amazing, the quality always takes a dip when they're uploaded here - these days more so than even Facebook! In addition to that, I've noticed l
Three Journal Entries, One Month?! Naughty... -_-
First I apologise for the spamming of journal entries, especially when this one was a cash-in on my boredom :D
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LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE
~Name: Joshua Jenkins of Giraffington Hall III
~Eye Colour: Hazel/Brown
~Hair Style/Colour: Non styled these days (too long), currently dyed lighter brown.
~Height: 6'3"... maybe 6'4" :S
~Clothing style: Anything slim in the right colour. Nothing too formal :P
~Best physical feature: Hmmm... :(
LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
~Your fears: Failure, spiders.
~Your guilty pleasure: The Spice Girls? ABBA? :P
~Ambitions f
The Lord Does Move In Mysterious Ways
DISCUSSING HOW THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH MAY HAVE DONE LIBERALISM A FAVOUR. PLEASE GIVE THIS FIVE MINUTES OF YOUR TIME IF YOU CAN :D
Homophobia is the third big whammy against discrimination, with racism and sexism being the first and the second. None of them have been totally eradicated (and probably won't ever be) but the signs of improvement over the years are now quite visible. There are far less ethnic supremacists than there ever used to be, there are plenty of women who are more successful than men these days, and in an increasing amount of places in the world gay people are finally getting equal rights. Homosexuality has always bee
© 2013 - 2024 Szazomy
Comments4
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Well, first thing to say is, im actually on da, second, its shocking to see you feel like this.. im sorry you had to go through that alone. if you want to talk, il always be here.
And you're not alone with this feeling
And you're not alone with this feeling